Well, I am a Zambian Lady aged 26, married with a 2 year old daughter. I am a nurse by professional working at one of the busiest Government Hospitals in Lusaka and my husband aged 30 is an officer just here in Lusaka. He is currently away for peace keeping mission in Sudan and I expect him back before the end of this year. I got married four years ago to the same husband after being in a sexless courtship for 5 years. I am happy that at the time of getting married, both of us were still virgins and we hard to break the virginity of each other at the honeymoon; a wonderful and rare experience.
The problem I have brothers and sisters is that of being denied conjugal rights by my beloved husband. Let me say he is not doing it deliberately but rather, I came to discover after medical examination that he was just born like that. To tell you the truth, my husband only manages to have sex with me once per one or two months. And what is bad is that when he manages to have sex, he just does it for less than five minutes and stops after ejaculating. This means that in a year, we have only the average of 10 days (times) to meet as husband and wife. It is during such days in a year that I utilize to get pregnant and I should state that he is very much fertile as he is the biological father of my first and only daughter I currently have. This means that I am not complaining when it comes to fertility as his sperms as concluded by medical examinations, are more than powerful to impregnate me.
The problem I have dear friends is that of not having sex for one or two months when at my age, I am still sexually active. I discussed this with my lovely husband and we agreed that we should be having it at least once per month. But what surprised me was that after one year, he told me that his body could no longer manage to have sex once per month, but once after two months. I tried to persuade him to maintain the one month arrangement but he refused saying he could not manage. Because of the fact that we love each other, we decided to see the doctor and medical examinations proved he was just born like that and that it was not because he had other sexual partners as I first thought. The doctor further said the condition was not reversible, but said I was lucky that his sperms were very okay to even continue making me pregnant for the next fifteen years or more.
But late last year after seeing that I was really being punished going for two or three months without sex, my caring husband suggested that we find a man who could be sleeping with me at least twice a week from our home. At first I agreed to that idea and told him to find one for me as I did not want to be accused of adultery in future. After failing to persuade me to find myself a man whom I could be happy with, he decided to find one of his cousin who is a married teacher with two children and we happen to live in the same locality. To tell you the truth, the man (cousin to my husband) was very happy with the idea of satisfying me sexually in the place of my husband to the extent that he promised to be giving me money every month. When the time came for him (his cousin) to start having arranged sex with me, I changed my minds and told my husband I was NOT interested. My husband was very disappointed with my behavior and told me never to bother him again but I should rather be waiting for his time table of having sex after two or three months. Right now, he is out of the country for peace keeping mission in Sudan and his cousin has been coming home to persuade me to sleep with him since it has the blessings from my husband, but still I have been refusing. I even threatened to report him to his wife who is a teacher like him.
But despite resisting and refusing to have sexual intercourse with this man who is not my husband, sexual feelings have not spared me. Currently my body is always weak and when I saw the doctor last week, I was told it was due to lack of sex and I was advised against starving my body sexually.
And to make the matters worse, my husband who had come back from Sudan for break during the festive season refused to have sex with me saying I should wait until when he comes back in May this year. He said that my behavior of refusing to sleep with other men was the one that was punishing me and he left just like that.
So now friends, I am in a predicament. I don’t know what to do. My husband has given me all the rights to have sex outside marriage, but I am still resisting this. Should I just continue resisting or should I just give in and start sleeping with either his cousin or the other unmarried man who is my neighbor? I say so because this man has also been approaching me and when I told my husband, he said I should go ahead provided I go with him for HIV test. So what should I do? Should I start sleeping with one of these men since my husband has authorized me 100% or should I just find other means of satisfying myself sexually, say by masturbating? I say this because at my age I can’t manage to have sex just once per month, and when I have it, it’s just for less than five minutes.
Please advise me. I promise to take your advice. As of now since I was born, I have never ever slept with any other man except my husband whom I have just slept with for less than 25 times in four years.
I need your advice beloved friends and thanks in anticipation.
I am Evereen.